Royal Thunder – Crooked Doors
Release Date: April 7, 2015
Label: Relapse Records
Royal Thunder is one of those bands that almost everyone I know is just shocked that I don’t like. “Dude, why don’t you like Royal Thunder? You like Kadavar and Graveyard. Why don’t you like Royal Thunder?” Well, here’s the deal. Their debut album did very little for me and in all honesty, the fact that I can’t remember a damn thing about it should say something. Well, when I heard that Royal Thunder was releasing another album, I decided to give it a listen.
The opening act “Time Machine” actually really caught my attention and even at 7:20 I was actually pretty impressed that I was digging this song. All of the sudden, something happened. The songs “Forget You” (aptly titled) and “Wake Up” (even more aptly titled) very quickly reminded me why I don’t like this band. It’s not that they suck but it’s just that they really seem to lack the ability to construct a song that will keep my attention and really draw me in. “Wake Up” was so fucking annoying that I felt like lead singer Mlny Parsonz’s screaming was actually waking me up from this snoozefest.
“Floor” actually kicked things up a notch but once again, ½ way through the song I just found myself really just losing interest. Matter of fact, the deeper I got into the album the more quickly I found myself forgetting what I had already heard. Here’s the deal. Royal Thunder is a really talented band. These motherfuckers can play and Ms. Parsonz can sing her ass off but none of this matters if you don’t have good songs and this is what Royal Thunder lacks in my opinion.
In addition to the songs just not being all that good, the overall vibe I get from them is just very disingenuous. I don’t get that fire, passion, or that true connection to the music that they’re playing. When I listen to Graveyard, Kadavar, Witchcraft, etc I hear the passion in their playing. They truly love the kind of music that they play and that resonates. It also resonates in their songwriting and their ability to be lyrically interesting and musically captivating. Royal Thunder just seems to me to be talented musicians playing this type of music because it’s hip. Royal Thunder does have a large fan base so I’m sure they’ll say that I’m just missing something but in my opinion, it’s Royal Thunder that is just flat out missing the mark.
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