Recently Mrs. Brainfart and I took a trip to the beach and while on the road I presented her with the long awaited “Metal For My Wife” challenge. I picked 12 metal songs from different walks of metal and had her listen to them. After each song I had her answer a series of questions. Keep in mind folk, my wife has never listened to metal and that this was a first time for her. I was super proud of her for offering her honest, unabridged opinions on each song and while I didn’t agree with her at all times, it reminded me that everybody hears things differently. This was a real treat for me and I hope you’ll enjoy this. It was a blast for me!
Brainfart: Ok, ok! Here I am, The Great Southern Brainfart and this is “Metal For My Wife.” For the first time, I am actually sharing the heavy metal music that I love so much with my wife who knows nothing about heavy metal music other than the fact that it’s loud, obnoxious and misogynist music. I’ve explained to her before that heavy metal music wears many different hats and is a very diverse style of music. Since that’s all she really seems to know about it, I’ve decided to try and offer her many different faces of metal. So Mrs. Brainfart, how are you feeling about this?
Mrs. Brainfart: I’m a little nervous. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to like this but I’m going to try hard and be honest.
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Brainfart: So before we do this, what do you think of when you hear about heavy metal music?
Mrs. Brainfart: I think you overstated a bit when you said I don’t know anything about heavy metal music. I have lived with you for the past 13 years so some of it has rubbed off on me such as your random trivia knowledge that you share on a daily basis. I actually know a fair bit about heavy metal music I just don’t spend any time listening to it. I kind of lump it all together but I know there’s different genres of it. I just don’t know what each individual genre sounds like. I think I know that there’s Hair Metal like the “Cherry Pie” misogynistic stuff but I also know there’s some dark, loud, thumpy give me a headache kind of music as well. We’ll see what happens!
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Brainfart: So here’s how this is gonna work. I’ve picked 12 songs which was extremely hard for me. What I tried to do was to cover some different aspects of metal. I didn’t go into death metal because I don’t even like death metal so that would make no sense.
Mrs. Brainfart: So you agree that some metal sucks?
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Brainfart: I think there is a lot of metal that sucks just like I think there’s a lot of jazz that sucks or bluegrass that sucks.
Mrs. Brainfart: Ok, let’s get on with this!
Song 1: Dio – I Could’ve Been A Dreamer
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
I know enough about metal to respect the late great Ronnie James Dio. In fact, I don’t think you would be married to me if I didn’t have some level of respect for him. I don’t think James (Jammin’ Jaymz, my best bro) would allow you to be married to me if I didn’t. I actually know a little bit about him. I know he died not too long ago. I know he looks kind of like Rhea Perlmann from Cheers and he’s a little creepy. I have no idea what his music sounds like though. Based on what he looks like, I want to say it’s going to be all like dungeons and fiery pits of hell and very ornate.
2. What did you think of the song?
I would’ve put this song being from the 1970’s. For some reason, I had images of kids skating around in a skating rink with like feathered bangs. It was so cheesy but it was not at all what I thought it was going to be. I get that it’s kind of anthem music but it was cheesy, kind of corny and full of stoner thoughts. It was trippy with the synthesizer and stuff. The music itself was fine. Not my type of thing but really, the lyrics made me giggle a little bit. Not at all what I expected based on his creepy dungeon troll image. Sorry James and Don.
3. What did you like about the song?
That it was pleasant on my ears. It didn’t annoy me or give me a headache. It was melodic.
4. What did you not like?
The cheesy lyrics. I also had images of angst ridden skinny pimple faced boys in their room, standing on their beds and shaking their fists to that song.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
I probably wouldn’t choose to but if I was forced to listen to some heavy metal music by you I would be ok listening to Ronnie James Dio.
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Song 2: Black Sabbath – Fairies Wear Boots
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
Fairies Wear Boots? I’m preparing myself for another cheesy trippy song. Well, I know a little bit about Black Sabbath. Ozzy was the original singer and then he left and was replaced by Ronnie James Dio. I know that they were working class boys from England and kind of rough. I couldn’t tell you a single Black Sabbath song.
2. What did you think of the song?
Wow, I liked that! Not really what I was expecting. When it first started, it kind of reminded me of The Allman Brothers Band. It was good. I don’t have much more to say but I liked it. It was psychedelic. That’s a compliment. It reminded me of the Allman Brothers, Jimi Hendrix, music like that.
3. What did you like about the song?
I liked the lyrics. They weren’t as cheesy as Dio. Whimsical but not so cheesy.
4. What did you not like?
It was hard for me to understand the lyrics. I know that he’s got a heavy accent.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
If they all sound like that I would definitely listen to more Black Sabbath.
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Song 3: Iron Maiden – Stranger In A Strange Land
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
When I hear Iron Maiden, I have the image of all of the album covers that I’ve seen so many of. I think of monster, dragony, bloody, medieval kind of stuff. My first thought about this literary reference is that they’re trying to think they’re all smart but they probably aren’t. That’s my initial though.
2. What did you think of the song?
Hm, I give it a C+. So, it kind of reminded me of the Dio song with this kind of anthemy, stoner kind of thoughts, I’m greater than my pitiful life and I’m going to make reference to all these books that my 10th grade English teacher makes me read and I’ll feel cool because when teacher says we have to read “Brave New World” I’ll go ,”Dude, that’s in the Iron Maiden song.” I don’t think dropping literary references makes it a smart song. The lyrics I could understand weren’t that deep to me. Maybe they’re deep when you’re 17 and alone in your room but at 35 I don’t necesicarlly feel that way. I can see why 15, 16 year old boys dig this. It wasn’t obnoxious though and it didn’t make my head hurt. Again, I give it a C+.
3. What did you like about the song?
It didn’t make my head hurt and it wasn’t misogynistic. I didn’t hear any comments about women’s breasts or anything like that. It wasn’t as dark as I thought it was going to be. When I listen to these songs, I just picture this kid sitting in his room with posters tacked up on the wall and he’s in his denim jacket. His mom is out there in her apron cooking pot roast for dinner and his sister is good in school and he feels like he’s trapped in this suburban life. Nobody understands him but there’s greatness inside of him and there’s this world out there that he’s going to get to explore and it’s inspiring him to do that. Instead he just goes and steals a beer from his dad and goes back to his room and jerks off.
Brainfart: WOW. You got all that from listening to an Iron Maiden song?
Mrs. Brainfart: [laughs] I did.
4. What did you not like?
I’ve read “Stranger In A Stranger Land” and “Brave New World” and I get it. They’re classic books but it’s a little cheesy to use that. I just think it’s kind of cheesy but that’s a personal thing. It just turns me off a bit. I thought it was cheesy when The Cure did that but then again, I remember being in my 11th grade literature class and being excited that The Cure did that.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
Probably not. I wouldn’t make you turn it off if was on but I wouldn’t listen by choice.
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Song 4: Epica – Martyr of the Free World
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
I know the name of this band from your blog. When I hear “female fronted heavy metal band”, I think of a skinny white girl with smudgy black eye makeup smoking a cigarette with trashy hair and bra straps showing. Maybe a couple of tattoos. As far as the sound, I imagine that they sound like a gothy Depeche Mode or that band HIM.
2. What did you think of the song?
Wow, so not what I expected which I know you’re very happy about. It surprised me. It sounded like a Broadway musical.
3. What did you like about the song?
I liked that it created such visuals for me in my head. I couldn’t understand a word she was saying but I felt like she was telling a story. In my head there’s like this huge stage and this woman and she’s singing but there’s all that growling that was going on the background. It sounded like this evil troll kind of monster and then there’s forests and this whole scene. It felt very much like a Broadway musical. It had, not an opera, but a full feel to it.
4. What did you not like?
It was a little too pounding and bass loud. I also couldn’t understand anything she was singing. Really, it would’ve been nice if I could understand what she was singing about. I couldn’t tell if she was scared of the big ogre guy or if she was in love with him or what.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
I wouldn’t choose to listen to that and if it ever came on again I would probably make you change it as it gave me a little bit of a headache.
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Song 5: Queensryche – Real World
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
Ok. I feel like Queensryche is like this band that I’ve heard of. I’ve probably heard of them from watching random MTV/VH1 kind of shows. Like maybe they’re a little more mainstream in the sense that their name is known. I couldn’t tell you what they sound like or any songs by them. Based solely upon their name, I feel like it’s going to be very heavy. I feel like it might a slower, more pounding sound.
2. What did you think of the song?
So that was not what I expected. I would kind of categorize them as a heavy Pink Floyd. I didn’t love it but I didn’t hate it. It was a heavy Pink Floyd so if I want to listen to Pink Floyd, I’ll just listen to Pink Floyd. I can totally see how you love this band.
3. What did you like about the song?
It was really pretty. It’s good music.
4. What did you not like?
It was a little heavy for me at the end.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
So far, besides Black Sabbath, they are a band that I would like to hear more of to see if I like some of their other stuff. I can see liking some of their other songs.
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Song 6: Dream Theater – Take The Time
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
I never really heard of Dream Theater until The Great Southern Brainfart gave me a Dream Theater 101 last week. I know they’re a big name. When I hear the name “Dream Theater” I think of some big production. Like there’s going to be multiple instruments and strings and it’s going to be a huge production with layers and kind of like Epica will have some story.
2. What did you think of the song?
(Asks me to stop the song ½ way through it.) You can actually stop it right now. I feel like that was like 12 different songs squished together into one. There was no rhyme or reason to it. It was like little chunks of song put together with no connection at all. It also felt totally self indulgent which is why I would call them the Moe (jam band) of heavy metal. They just play for their own fun. I get it. They’re really good players and obviously technically really good but goddamn [laughs]. It felt disconnected.
3. What did you like about the song?
Not a whole lot to be honest. II appreciated the technical skill that they have. There were a couple of parts where I was like, “Wow, that’s really good guitar playing.”
4. What did you not like?
I just didn’t get it. Is this smart metal? Because if smart people only get this than I must be kind of dumb because I don’t.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
No because I feel like I already listened to 12 of their songs.
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Song 7: Scorpions – Big City Nights
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
When I hear the name “The Scorpions” and “Big City Nights” it kind of makes me think of hair metal, KISSesque, guitar heavy and over the top. Not really poppy but more accessible for me.
2. What did you think of the song?
So that was kind of what I was expecting. It reminded me of any of the bands from the 80’s I grew up watching on MTV. In my head they were wearing spandex and had big hair and in the video they were probably playing a concert and there were girls in tank tops with big breasts in the front row. The lyrics were not misogynistic and it wasn’t offensive. I liked it. I can totally see if I knew all the words to it that I could see singing along to it. Kind of like Rock N’ Roll All Nite. Just a cheesy fun song.
3. What did you like about the song?
It wasn’t bad to listen to. I can see how it would totally fun to sing along to.
4. What did you not like?
It just sounded like a lot of other music. It wasn’t unique to me. If you hadn’t told me this was the Scorpions, I would’ve thought it could be Great White or any other band.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
Not voluntarily but if you had it on I wouldn’t make you change it.
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Song 8: Holy Grail – Immortal Man
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
What I know about Holy Grail is that they are one of your favorite facemelting bands. You love them. Honestly, I don’t know that I’ve actually heard them. I may have in passing. I have seen your Holy Grail t-shirts and I know that they have kind of creepy blood dripping monsters. I’m thinking that they’re kind of like death metal. I feel like it’s going to be dark and have a lot of pounding.
2. What did you think of the song?
I’m not sure what to say. I don’t dislike it. I’d give it a C+ like Iron Maiden. It was borderline noisy to me but it was kind of good. It didn’t really evoke any feelings or visuals for me.
3. What did you like about the song?
It wasn’t as dark as I thought it was going to be.
4. What did you not like?
It was kind of forgettable kind of like the Iron Maiden song. I wouldn’t rush to turn it off but I wouldn’t really pay attention to it.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
Not really.
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Song 9: Graveyard – No Good, Mr. Holden
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
Like Holden Caufield from “Catcher in the Rye”? Hm. I feel like I’m supposed think that they are all deathy heavy metal but I feel like it’s a play on words and that they’re not really that way at all. I have no preconceived notions of what they’re going to sound like. “No Good, Mr. Holden” makes me feel like it might be a literary reference. I don’t know.
2. What did you think of the song?
It reminded me of a heavy Doors kind of sound. I couldn’t really understand what the song was about but I was so distracted by the heaviness of the guitar. It seems like the type of music you would listen to if you were on heroin.
3. What did you like about the song?
I would’ve liked them a little bit more but they are so loud. I would’ve liked them to just turn down the guitars a little bit. I
4. What did you not like?
The guitars were so loud that it was distracting.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
Probably not and I would probably make you turn it off after a while. It kind of gave me a headache.
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Song 10: Symphony X – The Accolade
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
Based on the band name and title, I’m thinking it’s going to be similar to Epica in that it’s going to be a production. I feel like with the name “Symphony X” that it’s going to be big, lots of strings and production, maybe some troll like dude growling in it too.
2. What did you think of the song?
That was good. I see why they call themselves Symphony X. It sounded like a movie soundtrack to me. I would say like Karate Kid is what I kept picturing through all of it. I could see Ralph Machio training and learning how to prepare to confront the gang and all while this played in the background.
3. What did you like about the song?
It was interesting. You can tell they put some thought into it in how it was structured and put together.
4. What did you not like?
It was just a little long for me.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
Maybe. I would if I was making a movie and needed a soundtrack.
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Song 11: Megadeth – Take No Prisoners
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
I feel like Megadeth is one of those bands that I should have heard and maybe I have and just don’t know that I heard. I feel like they’re really famous or at least famous in our house. I’m torn between thinking that they’re going to be either hair metal or really heavy. Maybe it will be both or maybe it will be big hair in spandex singing about dragons.
2. What did you think of the song?
So in my head, this is what I think GWAR sounds like. This is definitely a mosh pit song. I don’t think I could listen to that very long but I actually understand the appeal of that. This is more like active music and I can imagine people running around in a mosh pit. I have no idea about anything he said but obviously he is very passionate about what he’s saying. It’s not as controlled as like Symphony X but they are really good musicians.
3. What did you like about the song?
I understand why people like this stuff. If I was into this kind of music, I would totally want to go to a Megadeth show. I would wear pads on my body so I didn’t get beat up but I can totally see that this would be fun, high energy show.
4. What did you not like?
I couldn’t understand the lyrics at all. This always makes me a little worried because what if it’s like some crazy political stuff that I don’t agree with. That makes me a little worried that I could end up at a show with some antisemetic kind of crowd.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
It was a little too heavy for me so probably not.
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Song 12: Bruce Dickinson – Tears of the Dragon
1. Based on the band name and song title, what are your expectations?
So Bruce Dickinson was in Iron Maiden and I know he had a solo career. The whole “Tears of the Dragon” kind of sets it up for expecting gloom and doom but what I’m learning is that these songs aren’t usually about blood and gore. It’s about like conquering the dragon, having dreams and being victorious and overcoming the “dragons” of your life.
2. What did you think of the song?
I know I have a habit of comparing these songs to other bands. Bruce Dickinson kind of reminds of a heavy Neil Diamond. There’s a few places in the song where he sounds like Neil Diamond in that he’s very powerful and really “singing”. It had that sort of power.
3. What did you like about the song?
He’s a really good singer. That’s something I don’t think I always think of when I think of heavy metal. I know that heavy metal vocalists are usually strong but I don’t always think of them as being really good singers. I really did like it. I liked all of the changes in the song too.
4. What did you not like?
There was nothing I disliked about this one. I liked it.
5. Would you listen more music by this act?
I wouldn’t mind hearing more of him if his other stuff is similar to this song.
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Debriefing with Mrs. Brainfart.
The Megadeth song was probably the closest to my preconceived notion as to what heavy metal is. It was very loud and heavy. I was really struck by how diverse the genre is and very different from each other. That was really neat to hear so much variety. I think I was also struck by how the genres overlap each other. It’s like a venn diagram at times like how Queensycryche was a heavy Pink Floyd. It also seems that a lot of works goes into these songs. They’re not short little cheesy pop songs. They are really complex and probably at times to a fault like with Dream Theater. I do appreciate the amount of work they put into it though.
I knew going into this that there would be a lot of good guitar players. That’s the kind of positive stereotype of metal that they are generally good musicians. I also have an appreciation for the whole “dreamer, hope, kill the dragon, overcome the obstacles of your life” think. It’s not all about death and destruction but it’s about hope and overcoming challenges. It’s not a negative thing and it’s very much a positive thing but to play devils advocate here, I can see how it can be a bad thing. These songs about overcoming and vanquishing the demons in some cases are the message but I can see how it can be a little dangerous. If your a 17 year old kid and your demons are the teachers, your parents, the kids who pick on you. When you’re hearing this message of “slay the dragon” or whatever, I think it can get a little dangerous at times but I think it can be that way with anything. It can be that way for a kid who’s reading a Shakespearean play and has a bad step dad or any literature that talks about overcoming. As for the singers, I wish I could’ve understood what they were saying. The music is so loud at times and it’s hard to understand them but I was super impressed with Bruce Dickinson.
I would totally be willing to do this challenge again sometime but you have to take me to the beach again!
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